how soon is too soon to move in

How soon is too soon to move in?

So, how soon is too soon to move in? Well done for asking the question before rushing in, because it’s a lot harder to reverse that mistake, as I’ve seen first hand as a relationship coach.

It’s much smarter to know a lot more about the guy before you move in, and some deeper knowledge may even give you second thoughts.

Knowing the 7 types of males that my award-winning and bestselling research is based on will help you…

The guy you’re thinking about moving in with is one of these 7 types listed below, each with their good and bad points.

Bad points?

Yep. He may seem like Mr. Perfect right now, but in truth none of us are, and you will benefit in advance by knowing what’s coming later after the honeymoon phase that currently may have you in its grip.

Remember, it’s a new relationship so you may not yet be as familiar with him as you’d like, depending how long you’ve been together, so if you need more help identifying which of these 7 types you’re currently with, and how soon is too soon to move in with these profiles in mind, I explain how to know for sure in Kiss Fewer Frogs where I also explain the science and psychology behind this shocking discovery.

Okay, here are the 7 types. Each prince’s “Dominant Driver” represents his single most defining characteristic. It’s the trunk of the tree that feeds all other branches of behavior.

MALE TYPE 1:

OVERVIEW:
He’s a career man. He’s strategic, a logical planner, and a team player. A map of cause and effect guides his path, making the game of life seem obvious to him. Many people focus on their professional lives, but for him, it is his life—and happily so. Being focused and driven makes him adept at accomplishing goals but more comfort- able as a manager, freelancer, or professional rather than going all the way to being owner/CEO of a corporation/organization. The perfect wingman, he’s a loyal senior manager who acts as if the organization he works for is his own. He sets the bar high for himself and others, which makes him the employee organizational leaders dream about. He’s why they invented the Rolodex, and he’s likely to take his business cards on vacation. Smart, orderly, and wise.

DOMINANT DRIVER:
Logic

GREATEST ASSET FOR RELATIONSHIPS:
Dependability

BIGGEST DISLIKES:
• Chaos, lack of structure and routine
• Failing at work, losing respect from colleagues
• Emotions, dealing with overemotional people
• Retirement, stillness

THE LIGHT:
This is a safe-and-steady man who takes responsibility seriously, including marriage and family life. People look up to him at work, and his superiors respect him. He can be competitive in a calm and healthy way. He integrates and blends with a team. When faced with a situation, family members are reminded of how he can be counted on, always there for them with the wisdom of Solomon, keen to assist with his skills and knowledge.

THE DARKNESS:
The biggest dark side aspect is his arrogance. He can also be stubborn and pompous at times. Being married to his career can make his partner feel more like a mistress and, if he’s not mindful, make his children see him as a distant uncle. Romantically, he can lack spontaneity and passion, be somewhat withdrawn and robotic, and find it difficult to express emotions (the opposite of logic).

How soon is too soon to move in with a Type 1?

This guy has no problem with commitment, but be sure his potential for arrogance is in check.

MALE TYPE 2:

OVERVIEW:
He’s an intellectual. Driven by a need for knowledge and under- standing of the world, he requires solitude to be alone with his thoughts. The more he knows of the world, the more he feels the need to withdraw from it. The drama, the hypocrisy, the brutality, the superficiality—it appalls him. His home is his castle, his laboratory, his watchtower, his bunker, and where he wants to spend most of his time. He’s an interesting, knowledgeable man you can have deep conversations with. In what might seem a contradiction, he can also be a spiritual person who is aware of other dimensions. Some people might see him as an endearing eccentric.

DOMINANT DRIVER:
Knowledge

GREATEST ASSET FOR RELATIONSHIPS:
Deep conversation. Space (if required).

BIGGEST DISLIKES:
• Living among “the masses” and as one of them • Loss of home and solitude
• Invasion of privacy, socially and legally

THE LIGHT:
Multiple layers of knowledge and skill can reveal a charming renaissance man if you’re allowed access to his rich inner sanctum. He has a wonderful curiosity and appetite for adventure; he’s happy to leave his home to travel to strange new lands, to learn and explore. He senses there is something else out there, perhaps other dimensions, and spirituality appeals to his nature. He’s an intelligent and particular man who loves to read and live inside his head. Those who are exposed to his philosophies and theories can have their lives changed forever, potentially drawing a great following or even changing the world.

THE DARKNESS:
If some kind of drama forces him to step out of his reclusive life- style, he can go on a rampage, surprising those who wrote him off as a timid hermit. He can also struggle to show emotions, and communicating well can be a challenge.

How soon is too soon to move in with a Type 2?

You have to know and respect his need for alone time or it just won’t work out. He may not yet even appreciate this need himself!

MALE TYPE 3:

OVERVIEW:
He’s creative with a vivid imagination. If he follows his true purpose in life, he is a creative artist of some kind. A truth-seeker, he likes to disrupt the status quo, indiscriminately challenge any consensus, and wake people up. His eyes say it all: mysterious, intense, and soulful. He senses a connection with energy and other dimensions, and he enjoys nature. He wears his heart on his sleeve with emotions on full display, good or bad. He’s sensitive to other people’s energy, making him intuitive when required. He can change like the ocean, the beauty making up for the storms. A character like him frequently appears on TV shows because writers tend to write characters based on themselves. On any given day, this type of male can be any- thing from a brooding Don Draper (Mad Men) to a playful Hank Moody (Californication) to a curmudgeonly Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm). Never a dull moment.

DOMINANT DRIVER:
Creativity

GREATEST ASSET FOR RELATIONSHIPS:
Romance and passion

BIGGEST DISLIKES:
• Criticism
• Writer’s block (if in a creative job)
• Monotony

THE LIGHT:
His changing moods coupled with an inherent need to break monotony keeps life colorful. Romantic, passionate, and spontaneous, he is one of your best bets for the “flowers and candlelit dinner” guy. If you enjoy the arts, this is your man for theater and galleries, plus he can indiscriminately appreciate any kind of art form, even old romantic movies. On a good day, he can be the heart of a party or a night out. For him, variety is the spice of life. You’ll have no complaints if you’re looking for a man who will tell you how he feels.

THE DARKNESS:
Changing moods coupled with an inherent need to break monotony can be unnecessarily destructive, also making him unpredictable. He can be solemn in mood, dragging others down with him. He can be unnecessarily jealous. He’s not always in control of his emotions, the bad as well as the good, and can say the things most people think but know not to say. (Saying what we think instead of biting our tongue is the underlying premise of Curb Your Enthusiasm.) Sensitive to criticism, he can be self-centered. His creative nature may have been buried by ego and societal pressure.

How soon is too soon to move in with a Type 3?

Give it enough time to see his mood swings and how intense they may or may not be. This guy is probably the biggest reason why you’d ask how soon is too soon to move in; because the sudden changes can blind side you!

MALE TYPE 4:

OVERVIEW:
He’s a smooth-talking gentleman who loves to party, a hedonist, and a nonconformist. Being immune to society’s pressure on males to gain wealth and success brings him occasional disdain from men, but women are his preferred company anyway. Women fascinate him; he sees beauty in some form in all women, almost to the point of worshipping them. Just because he relates to women so well doesn’t mean he isn’t masculine inside and out; that has nothing to do with gender or sexual preference. Sensitive to energy, he can see into women’s hearts, as other women can, and as a result, he’s often told he’s psychic.

DOMINANT DRIVER:
Philosophy (but he often doesn’t know it)

GREATEST ASSET FOR RELATIONSHIPS:
Empathy. Sexual exploration.

BIGGEST DISLIKES:
• Males seeing him as inferior, effeminate, or a “loser” • Hard work and conforming
• Being deprived of life’s pleasures

THE LIGHT:
He’s great to talk to, fun to be around, and often found laughing among a huddle of women at any party. He emboldens women and raises their self-esteem. His affinity and fascination with women make him naturally do something most other males can’t or won’t do: he listens to them.

THE DARKNESS:
He’s sensitive, and that can make him changeable and suffer from mood swings, although he’s always kind and gentle with women. He doesn’t follow rules happily, and some find that frustrating. He’s not a career man, but he knows the life that wealth could give him. Thus, he can be inclined to bounce from one failed scheme to the next, struggling to find his purpose in life. His love of women— and how they love him back—can increase any risk of infidelity if he’s not satisfied in a relationship. Others, men especially, can see him as a dropout and an anarchist.

How soon is too soon to move in with a Type 4?

You’ve been warned now, so make sure you understand this type and what’s driving him. What is working for you can and does also work for other women.

MALE TYPE 5:

OVERVIEW:
He’s forever young, carefree, and cocky, and if others want to grow up, that’s their problem. Their boring life is something they’re reminded of when others come to him. He’s a great friend to unwind or find where the party is. He pranks, plays, and encourages others to loosen up. He has little interest in the trappings of life, because that’s exactly what they are to him: trappings. Life is supposed to be fun, and he dresses accordingly. The world is his playground, and children grav- itate toward him because of it. In fact, he has retained many aspects of his childhood, while others lost them as they entered adulthood. A child is innocent, curious, loving, and fun, and so is Prince 5.

DOMINANT DRIVER:
Freedom

GREATEST ASSET FOR RELATIONSHIPS:
Having fun, needing space (if required).

BIGGEST DISLIKES:
• Total loss of freedom, space, and alone time
• Being tied down and trapped
• Boredom, monotony, hard work, wearing suits or uniforms, and working in rigidly structured environments

THE LIGHT:
He has the wonderful imagination and curiosity of a child, infectious enthusiasm, playfulness, and excessive boldness. He can be charmingly mischievous, eavesdropping, and storytelling, living in a fun-filled fantasy world. A risk-taker, he possesses a youthful sense of invincibility, parading through life like a superhero.

THE DARKNESS:
When it comes to communicating, he can appear distracted, somewhere else, with a blank look on his face, and this can be frustrating. He’s not good at making major decisions, thus he needs guidance. The good traits of a child are paired with a child’s less desirable traits: potentially being amoral, flighty, and entitled. Commitment represents a threat to his freedom.

How soon is too soon to move in with a Type 5?

What you see here is pretty much what you’re going to get, but first test just how bad his need for freedom and to perhaps disappear for a few days works for you.

MALE TYPE 6:

OVERVIEW:
He’s physical, a fist-bumping “man’s man.” In the moment, in his body, in the fight, he cares little for tomorrow or career. He is a fearless protector who will readily take up a cause, sucking up life’s joys as they present themselves, feasting and partying as if tomorrow is the last day on earth. Fiery, he walks through life on a knife edge, scanning for danger, sometimes secretly wishing he could spring into action and mercilessly test his bodily skills. He’s a literal man—what you see is what you get—and life is simple for him. He’s passionate, spontaneous, and drawn to danger. He enjoys “rescuing” women who like to be “rescued.” Most males loved Han Solo in Star Wars, and he identified with Hans Solo most. As Han Solo said, “I prefer a straight fight to all this sneaking around.”

DOMINANT DRIVER:
Protecting

GREATEST ASSET FOR RELATIONSHIPS:
Physical security and protection. Spontaneity.

BIGGEST DISLIKES:
• Failing at defending those he loves
• Losing any battle, especially physical
• Being a corporate “drone”

THE LIGHT:
If having a protector watch over you is your priority, then this is your guy. Drama doesn’t bother him like it does others; he loves answering an emergency call. His house is the wrong house to break into; it would be a truly bad day for the invader. His simplicity and singularity mean you always know what you’re getting without layers of complexity or duality to fathom. He’s a spontaneous man who will thrive with a spontaneous partner. If you need the thrill of the chase, then he’s all over it.

THE DARKNESS:
He can seem on edge, taking things too literally and overreacting, being overly aggressive. He can sometimes appear uncouth, thick- headed, and animalistic. Actions are preferable to words, which can cause communication issues. He can fly off the handle easily. People sense his trigger fingers and can quickly intimidate them.

How soon is too soon to move in with a Type 6?

There should be no surprises here based on what you probably already know, just make sure you’ve first seen him at his worst.

MALE TYPE 7:

OVERVIEW:
He’s a born leader. This man is a tower of confidence. Multitalented, he’s always striving to be the best and to have the best. He needs to be the man in charge, in both his professional and personal life; anything other than first place is abhorrent to him. Anyone who challenges his power or position will incur his displeasure—justifiably so, he believes. He doesn’t know how to show emotions and love—he sees that as weakening his power—so he might use gifts to do today’s job or a promise of something in the future. He likes to “rule” over a black-and-white world, embracing the finest things in life. On an endless quest to be the best, he often succeeds, thanks to his aptitudes, confidence, and charm. He embraces the idea of not needing to change who he is, because he has no intention of changing.

DOMINANT DRIVER:
Power

GREATEST ASSET FOR RELATIONSHIPS:
Leadership

BIGGEST DISLIKES:
• Being a king without a “crown”; he generally needs money and/or power
• Losing control, losing power
• Disrespect
• Showing emotions; he sees emotions as weakness

THE LIGHT:
You’re in the hands of a “captain” who needs a good woman at his side as he strives to guide your ship to greatness. He is generous to those who respect him. Sociable and a great networker, he acts like the mayor of wherever he is at the time. You get all the benefits of a man who is full of confidence and charisma: a rock to lean on, engaging conversation, and a man who takes charge.

THE DARKNESS:
The dark side of confidence is being egotistical. He’s never wrong and won’t back down. If you need a man to show his emotions, then this is not your guy, because a strong leader would be seen as weak by doing so. He can be patriarchal and domineering. Any bad behavior he exhibits is blamed on other people for provoking him.

How soon is too soon to move in with a Type 7?

Now that you’ve seen the dark side of this type, you should expect no surprises.

So, how soon is too soon to move in? I hope you can now move forward (or not!) with moving in and not worrying about it being too soon because you are now going ahead with your eyes open and know what to expect.

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how soon is too soon to move in