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Eighty percent of people don’t have a goal! How can you get what you want in life if you haven’t told yourself and the Universe what it is you want? As the song goes, “If you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?”

Let’s take this in the context of reaching any goal, not just relationships.

The trick is to not succumb to fear and intimidation, to not make mountains out of molehills, but to make molehills out of mountains. In other words, to break the big goal down into little bite-sized goals, and then one day you wake up and you’re there. Baby steps, day by day, and every journey begins with a single step.

The supercomputer between your ears blinks at idle with vague command inputs like, “I want more money.” Your brain needs two data feeds to fly you to your goal on autopilot: specificity and attainability. The advantage you now have is that you not only have a very specific goal (finding an exact Genetype!), but it’s also a goal that appeals to your heart, thus you are automatically driven to reach it. All that remains is the attainability part, and that’s a simple matter of turning mountains into molehills. The command to the brain must be attainable in the immediate sense, not the abstract sense—the today, not the tomorrow. The future tense is a complication or even an omission to languages, our ancestors often too busy fighting to stay alive today to consider tomorrow, and evidently this legacy lingers.

It’s remarkably simple when we break it down. You’re currently at Point A, and you’d like to get to Point B. No journey can be navigated without this childlike concept, yet most people who want to get somewhere in life don’t even know where Point A is.

Figure your Point A in terms of its relationship to your Point B. What has to happen to get from one place to the other, broken down into the smallest steps imaginable? Every person who is involved, every transaction needed, every phone call that must be made, etc. Don’t let the creation of this long list scare you.

Next, prioritize these tasks in a 1, 2, 3 format for a logical chronology of events that take you from Point A to Point B. Think of it as a checklist.

Next, divide all these small tasks over however many days they need to be accomplished, making sure you’re not being too ambitious or lazy in the allocation, and plot the whole thing in a calendar. I prefer a paper, week-to-view calendar, but use whatever works for you. Allow for breaks and weekends. For now, assume money isn’t a factor.

It doesn’t matter how far into the future this plot of tasks takes you, but once you see that date of the last task being completed, carve it into stone. That is your deadline, and it must not be violated. A goal is not a goal without a deadline, or it will mysteriously never happen. You may shuffle the tasks around in any given week, making up for losses, but you don’t have a weekend until the tasks for the week are complete.

Finally, and here’s where the rubber hits the road, complete every task in that calendar plot, every day, as if your life depended on it (because it does). These are only small tasks, but do not let their apparent triviality deter you from completion or get distracted by the next goals on the list or the ultimate goal (future tense). This is breaking the mountain down into molehills, and you must have rigid faith in the daily plan’s completion ultimately leading to something greater.

Your ancient instincts can now lock on to a visible target instead of merely a vague idea.